Overcast Saturday afternoon? Lame sauce.

It being the end of May, summer starts in 3 weeks, and already in summer break, you'd like the sun would show itself more often, and it would get warm. Memorial Day weekend is one known for lots of boating and water, but from the looks of things, that may not happen. We'll see I guess.

Kyle, Sam, and I drove to the airport last night to pick up their parents, and we left around 11:20pm. The drive there was crazy! The roads had small puddles every so often and because the car has such wide tires, going through that standing water wasn't fun. Every light was reflecting off the road into my eyes and it was difficult to see the lanes. Plus, it was dark! But we arrived safely, picked up our awesome passengers, and made it home in the same conditions safely only to consume massive amounts of cookies and toast. Usually when I make that drive, it would be clear! Sad day. I go to the airport again this next week to pick up Grandma from her little getaway. This time will be in the daylight, though.

I have devoted myself to volunteering at the senior center every Friday morning, now, until I find a job. It's nothing too exciting, but it does give me an excuse to get out of bed in the morning and, well, old people are funny. :)

I'm getting really anxious to go back to school, too. I've already come up with a possible schedule for the fall totally 17 credit hours, which is above average for BYU-Idaho, and I have my place to live, too. I invited another friend to see if she'd like to live with Whit and me and that would just be awesome! I'm thinking once I get out to Idaho I will probably stay out there for quite a while, in hopes of finding a job and sticking with it, instead of going between Idaho and Oregon every 6 months. However, I'm glad I got to come home this summer. I'm spending quality time with family before Henry goes off to school and with my Grandma, too. I get to strengthen bonds with the Claridges as well. I was out here for Trish & Russell's wedding, and I'll be here for Henry's graduation and DJ's homecoming.

It'll be nice to continue advancing in life in the fall, though. I'll enjoy Oregon while it lasts!

The Proximity Effect

Who all is affected by the proximity effect? You know, that condition where you believe in "out of sight, out of mind"? Maybe that's a little too cold for this condition, but basically whatever is right in front of you is what you're going to focus on. I have been told that I suffer from this to a certain degree. While I don't necessarily think this is bad, it does leave room for heartbreak. Now, what do I mean by heartbreak exactly? I am someone who does not like to hurt others, especially emotionally. I know for myself that emotional pain is probably one of the most intense and difficult things to overcome. I've never been depressed and I really don't ever want to go there, but when you promise someone your world in the blink of an eye, and you have been taught to follow through with your promises, you're sort of setting yourself up for disappointment.

Ask yourself what you want. While other people do matter, you are the one that has to live your life. You have to understand why things have happened and where they are going, but you can't do this unless you are right in the action. The proximity effect keeps you focused, yes, but what about those who don't suffer from this as badly? What if you gave your heart to someone who won't let go and you find yourself focusing on other things? How do you deal with their mental status?

Just do the right thing. Be kind and patient, and try to understand why. Keep an open mind and an open heart. Trust.

Sometimes I want so badly to do the right thing I get ahead myself. I get caught in a moment and make promises I know I shouldn't, and then I have to deal with the consequences later. If there's anything I'm learning now, it's that I need to think things through, and don't jump until you know you can handle the consequences.

However, sometimes jumping is the only way to progress. Without risk, there is no progress.

I have to apologize. I've been house sitting for the last week and when the only company you have are 3 little dogs and a couple of high school boys, your mind doesn't exactly grow and expand the way it did when out at school. Plus, without proper rest, my mind likes to wonder. So, this is vague food for thought. But, let's just say this fall is going to be very interesting.

I would love to have the summer take off... any college kids out there?

I am so ready for DJ to be home. It seems that when I'm okay with being home for the summer, the lack of social life catches up with me. Maybe I should go check out the single's ward? The summer still hasn't taken off and the weather is the crazy unpredictable Oregon weather. Unlike Rexburg where it changes on a daily basis, we have rain, sun, rain, sun, and back to rain for weeks at a time. At least in Rexburg we'd keep things interesting with things like snow and 75* days of sunshine within a few days.

This week I'm house sitting for Grandma. I get to care for the three little dogs she loves so dearly and live down the hill, too. I've got some yard work to do for some neighbors, some volunteer hours to will at the Senior Center, and some service watching kids for a lady in the ward as she and her husband welcome in their brand new baby boy soon. So, at least I'll have a reason to shower in the mornings this week. Grandma has a list of chores for me, too, including sanding the deck railing to repaint it. That will be an adventure because, well, I have no idea what I'm getting myself into. Any advice would be awesome!

...only 3 more months.

MIND BLOWN

Who out there keeps a journal? You know, one of those books that you write your personal thoughts and dreams out in and only you have access to it?

Well I've been keeping one off and on for about 6 months, now. I started a month before Casey left and have been going decent in it ever since. It's become more of a church journal that I scribble in during Sacrament, but I was flipping through it tonight and I found a short little paragraph that I wanted to share.

"Talking to Bishop --> receiving the Holy Ghost is a commandment. Knowledge can only become intelligence if and when applied. The Holy Ghost is the only reason we know truth.

Ex. if Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father walked through our door, we would only know it was truly them if the Holy Ghost witnessed to our spirit it was true. MIND BLOWN"

That's exactly how I wrote it. Pretty cool, eh? I like using the term "mind blown". When used properly, it truly describes my current state of being accurately. Ah... I love church.

Mr. & Mrs. Dickerson, part I

Well the Dickerson/Symonds wedding was just incredibly beautiful. Both sets of parents and other family members of the bride and groom did a beautiful job, and Trish just looked beautiful right along side her handsome husband. I stole these pictures below from Chelsie and Will, and more will be coming later. And because I still can't figure out the whole Blogger photo uploader, these are backwards in order... sorry!

Trish and Russell after being sealed.

Gorgeous. She was a princess.

6 of the 8 bridesmaids setting up for a pose.

The only refreshments served at the reception were sugar. That should explain the photo.

4 of the bridesmaids ran to the local Safeway to get decorative stuffs for the get-a-way mobile. We got some interesting looks... at least we didn't look like high schoolers!

I love to see the temple.

First appearance as Mr. and Mrs. Dickerson!!

My awesome hair.

Oh Chelsie I love you!

In the atrium right before the couple got sealed.

It's time for a change

It's time for a change. I'm just not completely happy with where I'm at right now, and so I'm making some changes. Some people dye their hair when they want a change, some buy new clothes, and some do drastic things that I really have no experience with. I have been a "go with the flow" kind of girl in most situations, but it's time to take a stand against my own life!

I've had the same email, which is after my mom's name, since I've been 13. 7 years later, in college, out of the house (for the most part), I think I should get my own personal email name, don't you think? Also, this blog is something new. My previous blog had a couple hundred posts on it going back for a couple of years. I put a lot of time and energy into those posts and because of that I am not deleting it. However, I am making it unavailable to the public because I don't need to relive some of those posts, either. If you were a regular viewer of the encrypted old blog, I will be cross-posting some old writings, too.

The main reason I'm "starting over" is to gain a sense identity for myself, by myself. I have a missionary friend that was just transfered to a new area in his mission. He wrote me saying how he's excited for a fresh start because no one knew him and he could be anyone he wanted. I envy that. I'm pursuing that idea. I have changed in ways I never thought possible. I have learned from the past, am enjoying my present, and am preparing for my future. I'm not going to be afraid to post my opinion. Let's see how often this gets used...

"White Locket" is the name I'm going to write under. Honestly, it's really random. I was sitting here in the corner of my bed staring around the room looking for meaningful, deep, inspirational items for name ideas. I looked over at my jewelry case and remembered a small chain heart locket that is very special to me. It has a lot of sentimental value and the story behind it is quite powerful, I think. And before you jump to conclusions, no, it's not white. The color "white" has always been pure, godly, good, clean, powerful, sincere, honest, and truthful. I don't know if you're one of those people that sees the world in colors (not literally... work with me here), but every color has a meaning in my mind. Blue is soft, quiet, or even sad or mournful. Red is power, raging love, or maybe even anger or hate depending on the situation. Black is dark, clever, and dead. Just a taste of my mind there, for you.

Thank you for the support in advance. I hope I still have some juice in me. This summer really hasn't taken off. I still feel like I got home from college two weeks ago instead of six or so. I have started playing with the piano and some lyrics, so who knows what'll happen, eh?